Dancing with the Organization
by Organization III
Summary: Either dance on our show or get graphically castrated. That's the invitation. So what other choice do 6 Nobodies have but to pile up for a road trip to The Los Angeles that Never Was? ...and pick up hitchhikers along the way.... TWO MORE CHAPTERS UPDATED
1. Chapter 1: Reality Shows Are Diabolical

"You gotta be psychotic!" Xemnas held the slip of paper in one hand, and was goggling at the delivery boy. In his other hand was a crumpled envelope.

The pimpled delivery boy shrugged. "I think it's a good idea, personally."

Xemnas glared daggers and shuriken and shiney lasers at the boy. "Get out of here before I skin you alive!!" He roared. And the delivery boy did. As soon as his pattering footsteps had died away, Xemnas slumped against the door. He looked at the slip. "This is unbelievable," he moaned. "We must call a meeting.." He ran off, whimpering.

Fifteen minutes later, the whole of Organization 13 were assembled in their white thrones, just being themselves as the quivering Xemnas called order. "Listen, all of you!" he called out, hoisting the notice aloft. "I just received this distressing paper-"

"Lemme guess. It's the tabloids. Someone shot a picture of Lexaeus in the shower," Xaldin quipped.

"Uh! That's not nice," Lexaeus protested, munching moodily on a chocolate doughnut.

"Believe it or not, it's worse," Xemnas moaned.

Xigbar gasped. " They got a shot of _me_?!?!" He gulped. The other Nobodies moaned at the thought, and there was an audible _pop_ of 'sploding brains.

Xemnas looked sick. "This is _not_ about a picture of anyone naked in the shower!" He yelled over the noise. "It's about-" he turned the pamphlet towards them, "-the new show on TV. Dancing with the Organization!" Everyone gasped at once, and knowing them, it's a wonder that all the air didn't disappear and they all died. But they didn't.

"O rly?" Axel gasped.

"Rly!" Xemnas nodded.

"NO WAI!!"

Larxene hurled a pillow at both of them. "No more chatspeak, for either of you! Xemnas, what do it say?"

Xemnas read it, trembling. "You are being invited to join the new show Dancing with the Organization, premiering at 7:00 Central Time next Thursday-"

"Oh good!" Roxas leaned back smugly. "That means we don't have to except! We can refuse the invitation."

"Not so fast." Xemnas poked the letter. "The word 'invited' got a little starish thingy next to it."

"An asterick?" Axel gulped. "What does it say?"

Xemnas ran his finger down the page. "Here. this word is not to be taken literally, cuz we have to pretend to be nice to your losers. The cold hearted truth is that if you morons don't come, we'll castrate all of you and sell your guts on E-bay." He shrugged. A ghastly silence fell over the room, except for Lexaeus, who kept on munching doughnuts.

"So…we have to join?" Larxene asked.

"What's castration?" Saix wanted to know.

"Is that sort of like the violent removal of your _y'knows_?" Demyx asked nervously.

"Well…it's the violent removal of _something_," Vexen said, shoving his nerdy scientist glasses higher up on his nose.

Xaldin pounded the sides of his thone-chair thingy. "Xemnas, who are the first pairs to air?"

Xemnas gulped. "You're not going to like it…"

"Oh bother, just read it, old scout," Luxord sniffed, flipping his flippy cards as only a master card flippist can do.

Xemnas cleared his throat. "The first five pairs to air are - Axel and Kairi-" There was a combinations of gasps and snickers from the others, and a wail from Axel. Xemnas continued. " Zexion and Ziv-"

"NOOO!!" Saix wailed. Zexion dropped his book on surprise.

"What?!" He spluttered.

"Zexion and Ziv," Xemnas repeated.

"But but but.." Saix protested, doing his world famous motorboat imitation. "She's _my_ girl.."

"I can see the resemblance," Larxene snickered. "Both have long bangs! Ziv and Zex, I mean."

"You might not want to laugh," Xemnas said. "The third pair is Larxene…and Lexaeus." Larxene wailed in despair, and Lexaeus looked up from his doughnuts.

"Uh? Did someone call me?" He grunted.

"No, not really," Xemnas shrugged.

Lexaeus observed the writhing Larxene from across the room. "Chief? What's up with grasshopper girl?" He pointed.

"She has to dance with you," Xemans informed him. "Any complaints?"

Lexaeus shook his big head. "Uh. No. Just as long as I'm home in time for supper."

"I want my mummy," Larxene whimpered, sucking her thumb. If you've never seen Larxene suck her thumb, you're missing out in the extreme. It's almost like watching an overweight African hippo give birth. Almost. Not quite.

Xemnas ignored her and read on. "Fourth pair to air is Xemnas…and Elcie." Another earthshaking gasp that exploded into laughter. Xemnas felt his face turning an ungodly shade of pink. He waited until the Organization members has stopped laughing, and shook the paper. "One last pair. Luxord, you get Rain."

"WHAT?!?!" The flippy cards flipped in every direction.

"That's right, Luxie. You get Rain." Xemnas folded up the paper.

"This is sooo bloody rotten," Luxord complained, collecting up his flippy cards in a very flippy British way. Because, y'know, he is. He glared as the unpaired Organization members slapped hands all around.

"The victims of this stupid show will need to pack up their belongings and meet me in the main hall," Xemnas shouted over the commotion. "We're leaving for The Los Angeles That Never Was."

"Never heard of that before," Axel commented as he dropped out of his throne.

"That's because it doesn't exist, you moron!" Saix stalked out of the hall.

"See you later!" Roxas waved a hand at Axel and disappeared around the door, laughing. Axel glared and went skulking out of the hall towards his room. Axels can skulk. No one else really can. Xemnas tried once, but it…well, he phailed. And thus was the Grinch borne.

Xemnas smacked the narrator/author. "Shut up, will you? This was your idea anyway!"

She sulked. "Fine. Go pack, Mr. Grinch!"

"Why you-" Xemnas started to turn around and smack her, but she'd already teleported. See? I can make cool things like that happen. HA HA. Sucks to be Xemmy.

"WILL YOU JUST HURRY UP!?!?" Xemnas roared.

"Fine, Mr. Moody!"

The victim Organization members went off to their own rooms to pack, or to wail by themselves. The roof over the kitchen has leaked ever since. In another forty minutes, they were all downstairs in the front hall, looking very abashed. All except for Lexaeus, who was oblivious to the predicament and just kept on munching doughnuts, which in turn made Larxene wail all the more. Xemnas filled pulled up to the curb in the black SUV, and motioned for them to get in. "Did everyone bring their dance clothes?" he asked.

"What?" Axel protested. "I don't _have_ dance clothes?"  
"Well…you and Roxas _were_ dancing in something a few nights under. Under the full moon, remember?" Larxene teased.

Axel sniffed. "Those were ceremonial robes!"

"So _that's_ where my sheets went!" Luxord pointed accusingly. "It's been so bloody cold at night without them!"

"Did _anyone _bring anything remotely close to dance clothes?" Xemnas asked in despair.

"Uh. I brought a tutu," Lexaeus piped up. Larxene went white, then green, and dashed around the eucalyptus bush. All the others winced as the noises of Larxene's lunch forcibly exiting drifted around the bush. After a minute, a very pale Larxene came back, wiping at her mouth. The others all took a step back.

"Better go before Marluxia sees your cookies all splayed out over his pachysandra," Xemnas commented. And so with much grunting and elbowing, the five unfortunate Reality TV Show victims loaded up their bags in the back of the SUV and loaded up. "Nobody spill anything on the seats! They're leather, ok? Treat them like gold."

"Or just like leather," Axel quipped, settling himself in the window seat of the front bench. Zexion slunk onto the back room and slid down in the corner seat, his black iPod cradled in his lap. He was glaring daggers at everyone, but hey! That's what you get when you get a cerebral emo in the back seat of a black SUV. Larxene chose to sit up on the front bench with Axel, leaving Luxord, still flipping his flippy cards, to brave Zexion. And Lexaeus clambered into the front seat, a doughnut clenched in one hand. He slammed the door so hard that the SUV shook. Xemnas's backbone went rigid, and his orange eyes grilled into Lexaeus. If it was anything other than the Silent Hero, Lexaeus would have been melting into a whimpering pile of leather and hair under that gaze. But he ignored the glare, and kept on peacefully munching on his doughnut. After three minutes of burning out his eyeballs on Lexaeus's blankly happy face, Xemnas gave it up.

"Everyone buckled up?" He asked.

"Do we have to?" Luxord, Axel, and Larxene wailed in unison.

"Yes, drat you all, you do!" Xemnas hit the steering wheel in frustration, resulting in a loud honk that rattled and shattered all the windows in Castle Oblivions. Which makes an excellent point; never touch Xemnas's SUV's horn. Evar. If you want to live. The five other Nobodies all wailed and grabbed in pain at their splintering ears. Xemnas smirked. "Everyone buckled up?" He repeated sweetly. They all moaned incoherently and snapped themselves in. Xemnas turned on the SUV and it rolled out of the parking lot, away from Castle Oblivion. The windows in the front of the castle were open, and the lucky non-victims waved goodbye as the unfortunate Nobodies left for the Los Angeles That Never Was.


	2. Chapter 2: Road Trips Are Hell For Xemmy

"Are we there yet?" Luxord piped up from the backseat for the umpteenth time.

"NO!" The other five Nobodies shouted. Xemnas was hunched moodily over the steering wheel, trying desperately not the cry as Lexaeus wiped his sticky fingers on the leather seat. Again. Honestly, how would you feel it someone was wiping sticky, gross doughnut residue all over _your_ baby? Zexion was still hunched over in the back seat, listening to "Miss Murder". Again. Axel was messing with his hair on the front bench, sharpening his spikes to goring sharpness. If you thought that Demyx used a lot of hair gel, you've never seen Axel. Larxene was wasting a Kleenex box drying her tears, still emotionally shattered from having to dance with the goon in the passenger's seat. They'd been crammed in the SUV for almost two hours now, and all of them were cranky and bored. And it didn't help that every five minutes, Luxord wanted to know if the ride was over yet. Somehow, the concept of an eleven hour drive across the worlds didn't register in his mind very well.

"Xemnas?" Luxord piped up, flipping the flippy cards.

"If you're going to ask if we're there yet, so help me-" Xemnas started furiously.

Luxord huffed. "I wasn't going to ask. Really."

Xemnas heaved a sigh heavy enough to crush the Empire State Building That Never Was. "Fine then. What do you want this time?"

"Can we turn on the radio? I'm sick and tired of listening to the cutter music." Luxord glared aces and spades at Zexion, who smirked and turned up the volume.

"Fine." Xemnas spun the dial, and instantly, Kenny Chesney filled the SUV, howling over his sexy tractor. His voice was instantly joined by the wails of the agonized Nobodies as they grabbed at their throbbing ears.

"Turn it down!" Larxene wailed. Xemnas gave a very Superior-like grin and twisted the volume now.

"Still want to radio on?" He asked.

"Yes, but not the bloody loud!" Luxord huffed, rubbing his aching head.

"And _not_ country!" Axel insisted. Sexy tractors indeed! He needed some hard rock right now. Xemnas moaned, and twisted the dial. And horror of horrors, Shakira was on.

"Oh yea, I'm on tonight, my hips don't liiiiie-" The radio buzzed.

"HOLY COW!" There was a thud as Luxord dove onto the floor, covering his eyes as his cranial image exploded in shiney little red pieces. Hence, spam.

"What _is_ that?" Zexion roared, tearing off his iPod earphones.

"Shakira." Xemnas smirked. "Don't you all loooove this song?" He teased.

"Turn it off, mummy, please turn it off.." Zexion melted in a whimpering little puddle, hugging his head and sniveling.

"On the other hand, this song gives us a good look at Zexy," Luxord grinned, snitching the iPod and storing it with his flippy cards.

"Aww…he's just mad cuz his hips are cheating on him with his own spleen," Axel smirked, peering over at the whimpering emo.

"It's true!" Zexion howled in pain. "I HAVE DISHONEST HIPS!"

The whole vanload of people turned and stared at him, gawking as the emo cried over his lying, cheating hips.

Larxene's eye twitched. "That's….eww." Her face went an ungodly shade of green, and her eyes went blank.

"Abort abort abort!" Axel reached over her, desperately trying to open the window in time. Too late. Larxene had already spilled her cookies all over the pachysandra, but everything else in her stomach splayed out all over Axel's back. And hair. And shoulder. And over the beautiful, shiney black leather.

"NOOOO!" Xemnas wailed as Larxene's digested MLT was spilled over his sacred leather. Disregarding everything, he tore off the seat buckle and sailed not-so-gracefully for the front bench, where one very green and one very horrified Nobody sat whimpering. It might have been a nice flying tackle except that

A) the SUV ceiling wasn't very high

B) he had to _first_ turn around out of the seat and _then_ jump

Hence. Xemnas tried to do a heroic spring towards his desecrated bench, and ending up belly flopping painfully on the cupholder rack in between the driver and passenger seats. CD cases cracked, Fraps went sailing, and Xemnas's pride evaporated like evaporated mess. In a sticky cloud on doom. Xemnas, his face now streaming tears and his cloak streaming hot coffee, wriggled off the cupholders and ungracefully managed to get to his feet. It was quite a sight, watching the sobbing Superior, splattering with soapy whipped cream and hot coffee, trying to wipe Larxene's MLT off the leather. The two other Nobodies edged as far away from the weeping man as they could, trying not to get in his way. "Oh baby, what did she _do_?" Xemnas sniffled, grabbing at the Kleenex box and cleaning the leather. "Don't cry, Daddy's here-"

"Uh oh." Lexaeus had finally noticed what Nobody else had (get the pun?). The SUV was drifting off the road. In fact, the black evil car of doom was cutting across the lanes, careening out of control down the freeway.

"Xemnas! We're all gonna bloody DIE!" Luxord howled, clutching his flippy cards goodbye.

"Lexaeus! Take the wheel!" Zexion roared. The anemone-haired Nobody poked at the spiky leather bound wheel. The SUV kept on going.

"Grab it!" Axel shouted, trying to edge past the sobbing Superior to get in the seat himself.

"Uh. Ok." Lexaeus latched his sticky hands onto it. "Shiney. What now?" The SUV was swerving now, wildly cutting from side to side. Horns blared from around them, tires squealed, the Nobodies shrieked like little girls. And technically, only two of them were.

"MY STEERING WHEEL!" Xemnas whirled again, accidentally - or maybe on purpose?- slamming Axel's head into Lexaeus's. He scrambled over the whipped cream and coffee mess into the front seat, grabbed the wheel, shrieked as he felt the icky stickyness, then pulled the SUV back on course. In one sentence. Is he good or WHAT?

"We're…saved.." Larxene gasped, turned from green to her normal surly white.

Xemnas was still sobbing. "What did you do to my baby?" he kept on saying through the tears. From behind them, the wail of a police car started. Luxord looked back and saw the flashing blue and red lights of a cop car.

"Drat. The bobbies caught up," he grumbled. Xemnas steered the SUV over to the side of the road and slumped in his seat. Th cop car pulled up, blasting out their eyes with the siren, lights flashing.

"Shiney," Lexaeus crooned.

"Shut up!"

The police man sauntered up to the window, and rapped on it officiously. Xemnas _slowly_ rolled down the window. The policeman pulled out a pad of paper and a pencil and started in his high, nasally voice. "I need to see you-GAH!" For the first time, he looked up. And what he saw were two blazing orange eyes burning out of a face surrounding by bedraggled white hair, splattered with whipped cream, and dripping something dark and steaming. The man's nerves didn't stand a chance. The cop gave a strangled gasp, then a girly shriek, dropped the pad, and dashed for the car. Sobbing in fear, he yanked open the handle and roared down the road, the siren wailing. Xemnas calmly rolled up the window and started up the SUV. There were a blessed few moments of silence. Then,

"Are we there yet?" The flippy cards flipped.

That did it. Again. Xemnas wailed, honked the horn, and began sobbing again. "I need something deep friiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiied-" He slumped over the wheel, trying to keep his tears off the leather.

"Well…there's a McOblivion…" Larxene pointed. The Superior perked up, looked around.

"Hallelujah," he sniffled. "Junk food." He turned off the highway and rolled into the McOblivion parking lot. The SUV stopped. "Everyone, out!" Xemnas ordered, scrambling out of the SUV. The unlucky Nobodies all filed out, and headed reluctantly for the restaurant.

Fools. Really. They should know better by now 3


	3. Chapter 3: The Crowd Thickens A Little

"Are we there yet?" Ziv wanted to know.

"NO!!!!!!" Does that make anyone feel like Ziv had asked this before? It should. Organization III's bug was small enough and crowded enough and annoying enough without her asking every thirty minutes. Elcie was crowded into the bug's driver's seat, probably since she was the only one of them that could pass as a driver. And that left Rain and Ziv and twenty boxes of Popsicles to occupy the backseat. Rain and Ziv slouched beside their windows, the mountain of boxes stacked in between them. Watching cars go by wasn't exactly the best form of entertainment for a long car ride, and because they could never agree on what music to listen to, the radio had been duck taped off. Elcie was still a little ticked off that there wasn't a station that played heavy rock, country, and classical together. They should really make one once they got back home.

"You know…" Ziv said after a pause. "What if we just sort of…got lost? Then we wouldn't have to air on the show..?"

"Wouldn't work." Elcie paused back the brochure. "Unless if you want to be castrated and have-"

"- my guts sold on Ebay," Ziv finished moodily. "Sephiroth would buy them, too. Filthy alien."

Rain bit off the end of her Sea Salt Popsicle. "What if we strangled the producers instead?"

"Wouldn't that….disturb some people?" Elcie eyed the blonde in her rearview. Rain shrugged.

"What about kidnapping them and holding them for ransom?" She offered brightly.

Ziv perked up at that suggested. "Yea, what about it Elc? That's a lot less violent than strangling them, you know!" She licked her Popsicle.

Elcie moaned. "That wouldn't work either! Look, we all have decent dancing partners, so why don't we just accept it as our fate, dance, and go home?"

Ziv bit the last of the frozen blue concentrate off her stick and dropped it into an empty box of Popsicles. "Look, I'm paired with _Zexion_!"

"I thought you likes him!" Elcie smirked.

"He'll make me do a cutter dance, I know he will!" Ziv wailed. "I'll have to get dressed up as a goth and I'll end up bleeding at the end of it! Besides, you know how bad I look as a Goth." Oh yes, they certainly did. For instance, when Organization III had gone to Halloween Town, Ziv had _somehow_ been the only one of the three that had ended up in belts and eyeliner instead of cutesy little orange and blue suits. The less said, the better. Halloween Town had never quite been the same after they got a look at Ziv.

"Well…I have to dance with a card maniac," Rain grumbled, sulkily licking her Popsicle. "Does that sound like much fun to you?"  
"I got paired with Xehanort's Heartless's Heartless!" Elcie shouted. "I don't even want to hear about it!" There was a pause, then-

"Elcie?" It was Ziv.

Elcie heaved a sigh. "What?"

"I'm hungry."

"Whazzawaaa?" Elcie looked over her shoulder at the mountain of Popsicle boxes. "But but but…you got plenty of food!"

"Yea, well, I'm getting cold from all the ice now," Ziv huffed. "I need something to warm me up. And I'm all stiff from being cramped in here. So."

"I'm pretty hungry too," Rain admitted. "Seeing as Ziv ate most of the Popsicles."

"Fine, fine, fine." Elcie switched lanes. "If you see somewhere where you want to eat-"

"Hey look! It's a McOblivions!" Rain pressed her face against the glass. "We could try it there…"

"Yea, that sounds good!" Ziv chimed in. She hugged the back of the seat and made anime eyes at Elcie in the rearview. "Pweeeeeease?"

Elcie blinked, then sighed. "Fine." The black bug with the three red strips across it wove through the traffic and zoomed down the ramp, heading for the resturant. Elcie pulled up in front of the cheery blue and yellow front of the building, with a brilliant green ostrich standing beside the road to assure them that they would _love_ McOblivions, and that only 10 out of the 100,000,000 customers served had ever died or sued. Ziv's eyes twitched as she eyed the ostrich.

"That thing gets scarier every year," she said nervously.

"It's doesn't bite," Rain reassured her. She eyed the big bird again. "…Does it?"

Ziv smirked. "You go in first!" Rain huffed. Elcie tried not to look at the widely grinning face of the wooden ostrich, quickly parking the bug.

"It's not too late to back out of this-" she said to her two friends in the back seat.

"AN SUV!" Ziv tore out of the bug, streaking for the big black SUV parked a few yards away. She began running in circles around it, her green-gold eyes shining.

"Oh no." Elcie rubbed her forehead. Ziv _loved_ SUVs. She's never really forgiven Organization III for making a black bug their mode of transportation. Now, her two friends could only watch in horror as Ziv passionately kissed the window of the big car, hugging it as much as she could.

"I love yoooou," the brunette Nobody crooned, stroking the shiney black side.

Elcie and Rain twitched.

"That's worse than the ostrich," Elcie whispered, all eyes.

"Let's go inside before she snogs it anymore." The two Nobodies scrambled out of the car. Ziv pried herself off the SUV and came skipping the join them. She looked at them innocently as they eyed her. "Ziv?" Rain said slowly. "There's…lip marks on the SUV…"

"So?" Ziv skipped ahead of them into the building, and her two friends ran to catch up. They'd only got through one set of ostrich-adorned glass doors before Ziv came hurtling through the second pair, backpedaling frantically. Organization III collided and were sent sprawling all over the blue and green tiled from.

"Ziv, what the-" Elcie spluttered.

"SHHH!!" Ziv got to her knees, rubbing at her sore shoulder. "Guess who's in there!"

"Who?" Rain brushed her blonde hair out of her face.

"Organization XIII!" Ziv gasped. "Axel, Luxord, Zexion-"

"What?!?!!" Rain and Elcie gasped together.

"Axel's in there?" Elcie squealed. Ziv nodded.

"Larxene and Lexaeus are too. They're ordering food right now, and _oh my word_, Axel is _so_ much hotter in person!"

"What are the odds?" Rain shook her head. "Guess they like McOblivions too."

"Or they just like rabid green ostriches," Ziv smirked.

"Did you see Xemmy-er, Xemnas?" Elcie asked eagerly. Despite who's Nobody they are, Superiors with cool white hair and orange eyes are smexy.

Ziv shook her head, frowning. "That's the funny thing. I didn't see him anywhere." She shrugged. "I guess he's around here somewhere." Elcie slowly got up, brushing off her suit regally.

"Come on girls, let's go in. And act natural." She eyed Ziv. "No rabid snogging!"

"I won't, I won't." Ziv got up, muttering something about chainsaws and Goths. "You all ready, Rain?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Doy. Rain is always ready for anything except spontaneous stripping. The three friends high fived, then Elcie opened the glass door and Organization III made their entrance into the McOblivion.

Up to this point, the Organization XIII victims hadn't ordered anything, mainly because they were all broke, and Xemnas was the only one with a credit card. And he was also in the men's bathroom getting cleaned up with baby wipes from the Koala Care. So they lounged around in the line, Zexion blasting music, Luxord flipping his flippy card, Axel playing Boomerang with a chakram, and Lexaeus nibbling on the metal diving rail. It was a gruesome site, seeing a 200 pound Nobody nibbling on a metal bar; what was more frightening was that he was actually beginning to make a dent in it.

"…You do have dental insurance, don't you?" Larxene asked, eyeing him.

"Uh?" Lexaeus gave her than I'm-Eating-A-Rail-Hence-I'm-Seriously-Confused look.

"Never mind." Larxene looked away from him, and happened to see Organization III sauntering in. They made a fearsomely cute site, to tell the truth; one had huge, arched cat ears, one had short blonde hair that Larxene would have killed for, and the third had long diagonally bangs shading her face. And all of them were wearing cloaks that looked eerily like Organization XIII suits. "Um, Axel?" She nudged him.

"If you're going to be sick on me again-" Axel started.

Larxene tugged at his sleeve. "Who are they?" She pointed as the three Nobodies joined the line, and McOblivion workers gawked. First six funky people in black coats had marched in and now were lounging in the line, now three more hotties were joining the line. This was going to be interesting.

Lexaeus pried his teeth off the metal for a moment. "You look familiar," he said and started back at his gnawing.

"That's because all our suits are bloody identical, you moron!" Luxord snapped, flipping his cards. "Bloody cop offs."

"Bloody English," Ziv mimicked him under her breath. Rain played with her living forelocks and eyed the five in line. Lexaeus was doing ungodly things to the rail with his teeth, Luxord was still flipping the flippy cards, Axel was toying with his chakram and eyeing them back, Larxene was trying to avoid all sort of visual of Lexaeus, and Zexion was burning a hole through the floor with his acidic gaze to amuse himself.

"So…why are you guys in our clothes?" Larxene asked after a moment.

"Ewww…" Rain gagged.

"These are _ours_, not _yours,_" Elcie informed her. "If we _had_ taken these from your Organization, then Demyx, Axel, and Saix wouldn't have them anymore."

"Hey now." Axel wrapped his arms around himself and pouted. "Mine."

"Yup!" Ziv grinned. "That proves that these really are ours."

"Didn't we have those suits copywrited?" Larxene asked Luxord.

"I thought so. That bobby Xemnas must have forgot." Luxord stashed his cards in his pocket in flippy fashion.

"Where _is_ Xemnas? I'm hungry," Zexion said moodily.

"Oh, so you did bring him?" Elcie asked, her big ears perking a little.

"Yea, he drove," Axel said with a shrug. "That's his SUV out there." Ziv face palmed, and Elcie and Rain exchanged glances.

"Oh…my." Ziv rubbed her forehead. "Look, can we order now?"

"Dunno." Elcie eyed the others. "Can we pass you in line?"

"Patience, padawan, patience," Zexion said, glaring out from under his hood. Organization III twitched simultaneously, then sighed and joined the crowd. Waiting on Xemnas.


	4. Chapter 4:Fangirls,Bishies, and Hell

Xemnas was actually almost cleaned up now. He'd used up all of the wipes in the Koala Care, his hair was still rather dark and sticky from the coffee, and his black suit was going to smell strongly like a frappacino until he got it to the Laundromat. But other than that, the Superior was mostly restored to his former grouchy glory. And just for the record, he still looks cool, even when he has been doused in coffee. Kinda makes him look younger, y'know? With all the brown in his hair..

Xemnas glared at the narrator. "Hurry. Up. Now." He fingered his desecrated locks irritably.

"Fine."

Xemnas looked down sadly at his suit, the front of which was much more brownish than blackish. "Time to go face the mob," he muttered.

Axel began whistling some random tune as the eight of them waited for the Superior. Organization XIII were still stubbornly holding the position in like, keeping Organization III penned up behind them. In all truth, the girls didn't mind. Now they had an excuse to ogle - er, glare at the bishies in line in front of them. The McOblivion workers didn't really know what to make of this, so they kept themselves busy by frantically making fries in the backest of back rooms of the restaurant.

"Axel…?" Luxord rubbed his forehead wearily. "What are you bloody whistling?"

"The Hamster Song," Axel grinned, reverting to humming. Luxord cringed.

"Don't, please, that's really horrible." He massaged his ears. He really needed to flip something right now..

"C'mon everybody, it's the _hamster dance_," Axel smirked.

"Bloody hamsters!" Luxord snarled, looking very much like a wolverine for a split second. "I'm not listening to you!" He turned away from Axel angrily, and as he did so, his elbow smacked into Zexion.

"Hey, watch it!" Zexion protested, turning away from the card master. And as he did so, he happened to glance through the glass doors. His normally pale face went stark white. "Oh…no…" He ducked below the rail and went streaking for the restrooms.

"What's gotten into him?" Larxene asked, looking where Zexion had. Her eyes glazed. "Holy…oh no.."

Xemnas was finally ready to face the mob. He'd spent a full two minutes standing in front of the bathroom mirror reciting all the Think Positive lines he could remember from the pamphlets his emotional counselor had given him. He finally sighed, then opened the bathroom door and stepped out.

"OOF!" Xemnas instantly found himself on his back on the restroom floor, with Zexion on top of him. "Zex..?!??! What the-"

Zexion sat on him in shock, his face paper white under his bangs. "Xemnas!" He gasped. " _They're here_!"

"Who's where?" The Superior gasped.

"FANGIRLS. A whole busload of those preppy girls in blue mini skirts and the white shirts and blue ties just pulled up in front of here! _And they're coming in_!!" Zexion grabbed the Superior's collar. "It's bad enough that they're here, but they think I'm a Bishie!" He shook Xemnas in blind fear, tears streaming from his eyes. "I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!"

"If you want to live, then _get off my and let go of my collar!_" The emo rolled off the white haired Nobody, and Xemnas got up, trying to maintain whatever dignity he had left. "Now. We must be very calm and very controlled," he lectured Zexion. "And we must go out there and get the others."

"But but but-" Zexion protested. "The _fan girls_! It's fine for you! Nobody fan girls you, but I'm apparently sexy!"

Xemnas shuddered. I mean, you never knew what kind of face Zexy had under all those bangs. He might be horribly scarred or something. And anyway, to a guy as deathly straight as Xemmy, the concept of _anyone_ kissing Zexion, girl or not, rather scarred him. "We'll have to make our escape fast. C'mon, let's get the others and head for the SUV…"

The two Organizations stared, horror stricken as the horde of preppy, blue-skirted, white-shirted, black-tied girls advanced on the McOblivions, talking about their nails and bishies and everything else preppy and private school-ish.

"We must escape!" Axel whispered.

"Where do we go?" Luxord whimpered, hiding behind the pyro. "We don't have the keys!"

Xemnas came racing down the hall, Zexion sprinting behind him. "Quick, out the door!" He gasped.

"Too late!" Axel pointed at the glass. The horde of rabid fan girls were almost at the out set.

"Hide!" Luxord gasped. He ducked under the rail and dashed for the corner of the restaurant. The English Nobody dove under a table and sat there hugging his knees and whimpering. Axel vaulted over the counter and crawled into the cabinets under the cash register, much to the shock of the already unsettled workers.

"Back back back!" Zexion grabbed Xemnas's cloak, backpedaling for the bathroom. Larxene slid into a booth and tried to look natural. Elcie, Rain, and Ziv just stood there, not knowing what to do. And Lexaeus just crouched there. Nibbling.

"No!" Larxene gasped. If the fan girls saw Lex here, they're put two and negative one together, and then the bishie's toast was fried. She glanced at the doors. The first girls were opening them. "Here Lex!" She called, lifting the tablecloth on the booth table. "Hide with Larxie!"

"But…" Lexaeus hugged the metal bar and huffed. Larxene looked over her shoulder. The preps were opening the second set. "Lexaeus!" She whispered desperately. Organization III quickly made a human barrier around the big man, just as the flood of fan girls began coming in. A sea of white shirts and blue miniskirts filled up the McOblivion, and they began filing in the queue line to order their food.

"Are you in line?" A skinny blonde girl wearing an ungodly bright shade of lipstick was first in line. She had to look up to see Ziv, which was just the way the Nobody liked it.

"Nope. We're just…waiting for someone," Ziv said, feeling Lexaeus moving in the semi-circle the three had made around him. The prep pushed on past, and the others began filing after her, squeezing to brush past the Nobodies, who were taking up a lot of the line.

"Can't you wait someone else?" Someone complained.

"No," Rain informed her icily.

A counter attendant come over to start helping the mob. Which is when she saw the cabinet door under the cash register slightly open. She looked down at the opening, straight down into Axel's face. "Can I help you, young man?" She asked sternly. Axel gestured for her to quiet, holding a finger to his lips. The flood of fan girls were winding through the line, getting closer to the cashier. "I said, do you need anything?" The attendant asked again. The first prep was leaning on the counter now, ready to order.

"Shhh.." Axel said as loud as he dared.

"Young man-" The attendant started angrily.

"Who are you talking to?" The fan girl leaned over the counter. And looked down into the open cabinet. One glimpse of crimson Sonic hair was all she needed. "AXEL!" She shrieked, diving over the counter. There was instant choas; nearly thirty fan girls all began shrieking, hyperventilating, waving their arms, and fighting to get over the counter to the bishie at the same time. Axel came a strangled cry, scrambled out of the cabinet, and took off running through the McOblivion kitchen, a flood of rabid, screaming fan girls tearing after him.

Luxord huddled under the table, desperately trying not to be bumped as about four girls slid into the booth. Seeing as they all were wearing miniskirts, Luxord was getting a view of a little too much leg. He hugged the table leg and tried not to cry. He heard purses being set down on the table top, heard the girls start talking about their best friend's ex boyfriend who was dating their mother's stepson's cousin's ex, and who apparently had the best geology charts ever invented. _Maybe I can crawl out,_ Luxord thought in panic. _If I can squeeze around the table leg without bumping them, then I might be able to wriggle out from under the table and run._

Seriously. He should have known better.

But you know what? He didn't. And you know what again? Luxord actually _tried_ to carry out the whole wriggle-crawl-run plan. The English Nodody has exactly six inches between the table leg and the first fan girl's pair of legs. Praying in his head, the Card Master started winding his body through the tiny space, trying to get past her to the welcoming light of the outside restaurant. It didn't work. Honestly, did anybody think it would? Luxord's back bumped the girl's legs, and instantly, her bishie detector began screaming.

"Who's under there?" He heard her say. Typical fan girl. Instead of assuming that someone has bumped her leg or that she's just imagined it, she _had_ to look under the table and check. She was already lifting the tablecloth to look under it. Luxord sprang forward, or at least tried to. It didn't really work, since when you're trying to slither around under a booth, you normally don't have much springing room. So instead of gallantly launching himself out from under the table, Luxord ended up smashing his skull against the hard underside of the table. All the girls screamed at the bang, and they all looked under the table.

"LUXORD!" They shrieked.

"Bloody NO!" Luxord scrambled desperately, flailing his way out from under the table and frantically tried to get to his feet before the fan girls caught him. Wonder of wonders, that didn't work either. No sooner was he out of from under the table then three of the four fan girls pile drove him into the tile floor, and Luxord found himself helplessly pinned under a mass of shrieking fan girls. "Noooooooooooo!"

Xemnas and Zexion, huddling under the sinks on the men's bathroom, heard it all. They heard the alternate shouting and shrieking from the fan girls and the pursued bishies as they dashed through the shocked McOblivion.

"We should probably help them," Zexion said slowly. He was shaking in fear.

Xemnas gave him that Are-You-Mad? look. Then he sighed. "Guess so…" He gave Zexion a fearful look. "Nobody fan girls me, right? I need to know!"

"Not that I know off." Zexion wiped off sweat from under his bangs.'

"Good." Xemnas took a deep breath. "Ok, here's the plan. We run out there, and I'll go out and get the car started while you round up the rest and avoid being killed. Then we all hit the car and get out of here."

"Why is it always the guy with uber long bangs who gets drafted?" Zexion wailed.

"C'mon, let's go," Xemnas hissed. The two of them crawled out from under the sink.

"I can do this I can do this I can do this I can do this I'm the little blue train engine I can do this," Zexion muttered under his breath.

"Hazzuwat?" Xemnas came him a skeptical look.

"I'm a little blue train engine!" Zexion repeated desperately. "I can do this! The big red train and the big green train all failed, but I'm the little blue train engine!" Xemnas gave up trying to calm down the bishie, and pulled Zexion to his feet.

"All right, little blue, let's go." Xemnas hauled open the door, and the two of them bolted down the hall towards the doors in the most foolhardy and possibly the stupidest action ever done by the Superior and the Emo.

Organization III were lost. They just stood in the line, watching in bewilderment as Axel dashed through the kitchen with the fan girls trailing him, and as Luxord was lovingly mobbed by another horde of them.

"We….should do something," Elcie finally said.

"Like what?" Ziv asked, watching the love carnage in blank shock.

"Like nothing!" Rain interrupted. She pointed out the glass doors, her eyes wide with shock. "Look." And they did. There, coming up to the McOblivion, were the scariest beings ever to exist. Even scarier than girls with blue miniskirts and black ties, for these beings wore long blue jeans and leather jackets and looked like they'd been used as test products for Maybeline. Fanboys.

"Oh crud!" Ziv wailed. "They're onto us!"

"We gotta get out of here!" Elcie said desperately.

"What are you guys looking at?" Larxene asked from her table.

"Fanboys!" Rain gasped. Larxene went grey with fear, daring to look out of the door. "We gotta hide, now!" Xemnas and Zexion came skidding to a halt in front of the doors, almost running into Larxene as she scrambled out of the booth.

"We gotta get to the car!" Xemnas told her, trying to get of the doors.

"Too late, we're trapped!" Elcie pointed. "Fanboys! They're moving in!"

"Drat! Ever since they figured out the whole Mansex thing, they've been after me too!" Xemnas backpedaled for the door.  
"What do we do?" Zexion shouted over the commotion.

"Xemnas, help me!" Axel came tearing up from the back of the kitchen, vaulting over the counter. The screaming fan girls were close on his tail.

"Back to the bathroom, everyone!" Xemnas shouted. He shoved Axel down the hall, and grabbed Larxene. "Hurry hurry hurry-"

"ZEXION!" About fifteen of the fan girls came dashing towards the crowd at the door. Zexion gave a strangled scream and dashed back up the hall for the bathroom, close behind Axel. Luxord took the chance to scramble out from under the fan girls and bolt to join the rest of his party, running like a hare for the sanctuary known as the men's bathroom.

"MANSEX!" The fan boys dashed into the buildings, bee-lining for the Superior.

"RUN!" Xemnas and Larxene fled after the rest. After a moment of hesitation, Rain, Elcie, and Ziv turned and tore after them. The hand of one of the fan boys caught Elcie's coat, but the cat Nobody struggled free.

"Don't look back," she screamed, passing up Rain en route to the men's room. Axel and Zexion already had the door open.

"Hurry up!" Axel shouted, grabbing Luxord and pulling him in. Xemnas and Larxene raced in, then Organization III rocketed in after them. The four male Nobodies slammed their weight against the door as the wave of fan girls/boys hit the door. Fortunately, to be a preppy private-school fan girl, you have to weight less than a hundred pounds. Which meant that the aforementioned wave was more like five fan boys hitting the door amid as flurry of feathers. Bony feathers with miniskirts. Got it memorized?  
Axel sulked. "That's MY line, you meany head!"

"I apologize. Shall I continue with the story?"

"What are we going to do?" Larxene slumped down in discouragement on one of the many porcelain chairs hanging off the wall.

Ziv looked in all the stalls, double checking. "No windows. Holy cow, this bathroom has no escape routes! Talk about pathetic."

Xemnas groaned as another wave of fanness hit the door. "We gotta get out here somehow! We still have seven more hours on the road, and if we're late to the show, they'll all castrate us!"

Larxene slumped back on the porcelain seat. "But what are we going to do? There's no way out."

Axel noticed for the first time what Larxene had taken for a chair, and his eye twitched. "Larxene…that's not a chair.." She hastily scrambled off it, brushing off his cloak and muttering something about men and their creative ways of business.

"We need…a diversion!" Elcie said, stroking her chin.

"And what's the diversion gonna be?" Zexion asked, blowing his bangs out of his face. Elcie grinned.

The line of surging fan…er, fanpeople were backing up for another assault on the men's bathroom door when suddenly it opened up, and a shrieking _something_ in a black coat came flying out over there heads. "BISHONEN!" Zexion took out a full eight fan girls as he hit the mob with an audible thud.

"It's ZEXION!" The hysterical shrieking all over again, and instantly, Zexion found his clothes being violently ripped at by the mob of fan girls. He cradled his head and bishie hair and used his freaky mo physic powers in one final attempt to stall his fate. And suddenly, the other Nobodies looking out through the crack saw a sight that they never would have thought they'd live to see, nor one they would have wanted to. The fan girls, at the same instant, all turned on each other and began….kissing. Each other.

"Oh sick," Xemnas gagged. Luxord twitched.

"Bloody gross."

"Come on, _move it!_" Ziv shoved through the door and began winding her way through the passionate throng of girls, trying desperately not to cry. Zexion began crawling through the door, shuddering. "What did you do?" Ziv asked him breathlessly.

"Doy. Mental connection!" The Emo bolted out the glass doors for the SUV. The rest of Organization III and XIII hurried after him. Organization III made a beeline for the bug, and Elcie began fishing in her purse.

"How long will that mental trick work?" Xemnas asked, fumbling with his keys.

"Uh…fifteen more seconds…" Zexion said.

"FIFTEEN!?!" Axel jerked on the handle. "Let me in!"

Thirteen…

"Hurry hurry hurry!" Rain had the car door handle tight in her hand. "The fan boys will be out soon!"

"Get the bloody door unlocked!" Luxord gasped, glaring at Xemnas, whose sweaty hands were slipping off the keys.

Ten….

"Got them!" Xemnas shoved the keys in the car door, and unlocked it. He scrambled in, fumbling for the auto-unlock button.

"Hurry!" Zexion wailed.

"Elcie!" Ziv whispered frantically.

The Nobody's face went white. "They aren't in here!"

Eight…

"What???" Ziv and Rain gasped in unison.

Elcie looked in the car window. "I locked my keys in the bug! We're trapped!"

"In in in!" Xemnas slammed his door and started the engine as the four other Nobodies piled it, climbing over each other, grabbing at seat belts.

Six…

"Xemnas!" Elcie came racing up to the SUV. "Can we get a ride with you? Please!"  
"Hazzuwah?" Xemnas was confused.

"I locked the keys in the car and the fan boys will get us and you have to help us can we ride with you?" Elcie turned on the anime eyes.

"Xemnas!" Zexion yelled. "We only have-"

Four….

"C'mon, please!" Ziv looked desperately at the doors. "You can't leave us to have that happen to us!" Xemnas struggled for a minute, torn between Elcie's anime eyes and making his escape. The other Nobodies were shouting in panic now.

Three…

"Get in!" Xemnas yelled, making his decision. "Hurry! Go go go!" The three Nobodies sprinted around the SUV and Elcie slipped in.

Two..

"Xemnas!" Zexion shouted.

"Rain!" Elcie grabbed her friend and hauled her in, dumping the blonde on Luxord's lap.

One..

"Ziv!!" The long haired Nobody leapt into the SUV, landing in a heap on the floor.

"BISHONEN!" The mind block was gone. The fan girls came streaming out the door, their eyes red, hungry for bishies. Xemnas screamed like a little girl, Elcie slammed the door, then the SUV shot out backwards, speeding for the highway. The fan girls flooded after it, their screaming filling the air. Like a streak of black lightning, the SUV tore up the ramp and surged with the traffic.

"Following us?" Xemnas gasped.

Axel looked behind them. "Nope."

Xemnas slumped in his chair with a sigh of relief. Then he saw it. The eyes narrowed. "Why are there kiss marks on my window?"

Ziv face palmed.


	5. Chapter 5: SNEAKY PLOTS REVEALED!

dancewaterdance101 has logged in 

emoBHK has logged in 

Dancewaterdance101: hey Roxas u there

EmoBHK: yea hi D

Dancewaterdance102: come 2 my room gotta show you something

EmoBHK: something?

Dancewaterdance101: ya

EmoBHK: this isn't like the time you ordered the boa of eBay is it

Dancewaterdance101:3 that very funny though u have to admit

EmoBHK:…..

Dancewaterdance101: no its not like that its about the whole dancing thing

EmoBHK?

Danewaterdance101: just come over here already

EmoBHK: w/e

emoBHK has logged out 

"Ok, what's this about?" Roxas stood in the doorway to Demyx's room, looking carefully around him. No boas so far. He looked around. "Demyx?" The water boy sat at his computer, twitching once every ten seconds. He was rigidly still. "What's up?" Roxas walked up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder. "Demyx, what-" Then he saw what was on the screen. The blonde froze, staring in horrified awe. "Noo…" He whispered.

"I know," Demyx sniffled.

"Are you crying?" Roxas felt himself twitching.

"It's scary mummy make it go awaaaaaaaaaay." Demyx wiped his eyes.

"So…that's….oh no. _Axel_." Roxas shuddered. "I can't believe this."

Demyx sniffled and closed down the internet explorer. "I need a tissue," he whimpered, looking around. Roxas passed him one and watched as the water boy sobbed convulsively onto the Kleenex. In seconds, it was disintegrated. Demyx wiped his eyes and turned to the computer. "We have to show the others," he said, sniffing. His finger pressed the _print_ button.

"Hey!" Roxas protested. "You can't show them _that_!"

"Roxas." Demyx turned to strike a heroic pose, gazing with a noble expression into the blonde's face. "It must be done."

"Fine!" Roxas snatched the print outs and hurried out of the room. "I'll call a meeting."

"……what is this about?" Xigbar wanted to know. He was slouched in his white chair, playing with his pretty little purple gun lovingly.

"I need to go straighten my hair," Marluxia complained, stroking the wet poofyness.

"I called this meeting because it involves our close friends," Roxas started. "It's about the dancing thing."

"Oh man, not again!" Xaldin whined. "I thought we'd worked through that. So why are you calling it to our attention again?"

"Because….of this!" Roxas held up a print off sheet.

"What's that?" Saix asked, peering.

"It looks like a sheet of all natural white paper, with inscriptions of English origins printed on it in black ink," Vexen said, shifting his glasses.

Xaldin just looked at him. "Man, did you realize that all by yourself?" He asked sarcastically.

Vexen sniffed. "Actually, with the help of glass perfectly placed to form a magnification purpose and set within a frame, I-"

"Can it!" Zigbar fired a steaming pink shot into the white stone above Vexen's head. "Roxas, what is it?"

"It's a printout from a LiveJournal entry that Demyx found," Roxas explained.

"…And…?" Marluxia asked.

"I'M GETTING TO IT!!!" Roxas yelled, summoning and hurling his key blade at the flower boy. "GIVE ME TIME, DRAT YOU!" He sat back down and shifted the paper. "Anyway. I'm not going to read all of it, but there's this one paragraph at the bottom of it-" He tapped the paper. "It says, 'once the fools reach the destination, we will spring our marvelous trap!! And then, WE WILL BE THE RULERS OF THE BISHIES! We will totally control them, and subjugate them to our superior will! Those dummies will not DARE refuse our invitation, and once we have suckered them into the trap, we will OWN THEM. Ohyes, ph34r US ALL! MWWHAHAHAHHA!'" Roxas poked it. "Then there's a lot of funny frowny-smile faces after that. But yes." He looked up.

"So…?" Xaldin was lost.

Roxas sighed. "Guess whose LiveJournal this is?"

"Whose?" Xigbar asked disinterestedly, playing with his gun.

"Lisa Gooding," Roxas looked around grimly.

"And who is she?" Saix wanted to know. He fiddled with a drawstring and tried not to look too sleepy.

"She's the co-host for the Dancing with the Organization show!" Roxas shook the paper. "Don't you get it?"

Xaldin's jaw dropped. "You mean…."

"It's all a trap?" Xigbar shook his head. "I can't believe it!"

"Doesn't the fact that the female in questions clearly stated his egregious plans in reveal site on her LiveJournal rouse just suspicion in the back of your mind?" Vexen asked.

"Ehhzawaah?"

"He means, doesn't it seem weird that she stated her plan in the wide open?" Saix translated. He was good at it. Don't EVAR ask.

"Who can understand the rabid fan girl mind?" Demyx protested. "The point is, Axel and the others are in grave danger of being kidnapped and held captive by hordes of fan girls! This whole thing is a ruse!"

"Do you think that they know?" Xigbar asked.

"How would they? They might even be to the Los Angeles That Never Was by now!" Roxas jumped down from the seat. "We have to save them!"

"But how are we going to catch up with them?" Saix asked.

"Ahem." Vexen shifted his glasses. "I have a suitable mode of transportation stationed in the garage ajoined to the Castle. If you were to follow me, I will show you what I have to offer."

"Fine." Xaldin dropped down from his chair and sulkily followed after the scientist. "Roxas, you coming?"  
"Sure. Just need to gather a couple things before we leave." The blonde began running towards his room.

"Oh yea? Like what?" Xigbar yelled after him.

"Oh, you know. Colone, guns, ropes. Knives. Mr. Squeedly." Demyx shrugged.

"Mr. Squeedly?" Saix looked doubtful.

Demyx raised his eyebrows. "The Mr. Squeedly that Roxas will messily kill you if you touch him, and will evisceration you if you pull out his stuffing, make a joke about him, or try to force-feed him waffles. The one that if you try to take him away from Roxas, one or both of your arms will be forcefully removed. With a toothbrush."

"Oh," Saix groaned. "That Mr. Squeedly."

"That's….the car?" Xaldin stared at the old station wagon, covered in about two and a half inches of dust, propped up on blocks. It had to be at least thirty years old and was definitely out of this world.

"That would be the specified mode of transportation," Vexen sniffed.

"Um…" Zigbar tried to hide a smile. "No thanks. We'll take something that'll actually _run_." He turned away.

"True, it was rather lethargic until I installed a rocket engine to the rear of the automobile," Vexen agreed, giving Xigbar a smirk.

"Did you say…rocket engine?" Saix looked interesting. Saix plus Boom Boom equals a smiley face.

"That would be correct. Now this vehicle can attain accelerations of over 200 miles per hour." Vexen crossed his arms. "Interested?"  
"We'll take it!!" Xigbar rushed over to the car and began running his hands over it. "Beautiful fast shiney thing!" He crooned.

Demyx shuddered. "Don't _do_ that," he complained. "It scares me. Really."

"Where's Roxas?" Xaldin asked. He was ready to go stabbity some fan girls. It honestly sounded like fun.

"Getting Mr. Squeedly and gear." Demyx climbed into the back seat, coughing as a fog of smoke rose up around him. He waved his hand to make it go away, and reached for a seat belt. "Vexen?"

"Yes?" The scientist peered over his glasses.

"Where's the seatbelt?" Demyx was still searching in the mound of dust and dust bunnies covering the seat.

Vexen shrugged. "This automobile model was made prior to the invention of the seatbelt."

"Does that mean…that we don't have any belts or anything?" Saix's face was glowing in a very scary way.

"That would be correct."

"I LOVE THIS CAR!" Saix sprang in, his impact causing geysers of dust to shoot up. He settled himself in one of the seats, rubbing his hands and laughing. "Oh man, this is going to be fun!"

"It's going to be something," Xaldin mumbled, climbing into the backseat with the laughing Saix and the wincing Demyx. Roxas made his appearance, dragging a huge backpack behind him, and cradling a worn, almost bald blue plushie squirrel, draped over one arm. Mr. Squeedly. Those who had had experience with the cherished object shrunk and whined as Roxas climbed into the front seat, planting the disintegrating squirrel on the dashboard, and glaring at the others.

"Be nice to Mr. Squeedly," he ordered.

"Yes mummy," The three in the back seat whimpered.

"Well, looks like we're ready to go." Xigbar climbed in the front seat. "Now, Vexen, if you'll give me the keys-"

"Why would I indulge in that action?" Vexen asked huffily.

"Because…I'm driving and you're…not…coming…" Xigbar trailed off miserably.

"That would be incorrect. I am accompanying you on this conquest. Please reposition your hindquarters from the pilot's stand."

"Hazzwhat?" Xigbar was lost.

Vexen took a deep breath. "MOVE YOUR BUTT!"

"Yes mummy." Xigbar shifted into the middle seat, shaking. Vexen climbed nobly in, twisted the key in the ignition, and with a rattle, a shake, a thunderous explosion and an illegal U-turn, they were off.


	6. Chapter 6: Of Traps and Hitchhikers

Despite all odds, the crew of victims and refugees inside the SUV were actually getting along nicely. Rain was wedged between Luxord and Zexion in the back seat, cringing from the emo music blasting from Zexion's iPod, and trying not to bump Luxord as the Nobody flipped his flippy card. Elcie was sitting next to Axel and desperately trying not to swoon at the sight of him, and Ziv had somehow ended up balanced on the boxes and bags in the cargo area of the SUV, behind the back bench. Well, actually, she'd crawled there to escape the violent wrath of the Xemnas. And when you're in the cargo, it's easy to secretly make out with the panes of glass without being spotted by a zealous Nobody Superior. And also, you can root around in everyone's luggage - sneakily, of course - and pull out all their rubber duckies and yarn blankeys and little plushie kittens and snuggle with them. And you can also find out which male Nobody wears panda boxers. You'll never guess who's they are. Seriously, you never will. Ever.

"Hurry up!" The Superior snarled at the narrator. "I'm bored." The Narrator sticks out her tongue at the Superior, changes out of present tense, and will continue as of now.

"I'm hungry," Axel complained, massaging his very, very skinny, anorexic-man stomach. Elcie eyed it longingly as she thought of all the sharp, shiny objects that she could ram through it. Like chrome rolling pins. She'd have to write down that idea on her Notepad of Sadistic Torture Ideas.

"That's right," Larxene complained. "We never _did_ get any food!"

"Not even a bloody salad!" Luxord wailed, flipping the cards. Rain's ears perked up at the sound. Mmm…_salad._

"Who wants some chopped up vegetables?" Zexion snarled, huffing in his seat. SOMEONE had written "I love your lying hips" in the frost on his window. Or would it be _nobody_ instead? That Nobody thing really confused grammar. Anyway.

"Just shut up," Xemnas said wearily. "We'll get some food in a couple hours."

"A COUPLE HOURS!?!" Luxord wailed. "My gizzard will have devoured my bloody spine by then!" Elcie grinned and wrote down that idea. _Eating spines._ Such yum.

"You're not a bird!" Axel pointed out, massaging his oh-so-stabbity-able stomach.

"True, but I was going from the bloody theatrical element in my stomachal lament," Luxord sniffed, striking a noble pose. It would have been oh-so-noble if only he'd stopped flipping the cards. They totally ruined the mood.

"You sound like Vexen," Larxene complained. "On Shakespeare steroids."

"Who's Shakespeare?" Zexion wanted to know.

"Is 'stomachal' a word?" Xemnas wondered from the front seat, but Nobody paid any attention to him.

"Shakespeare was a famous playwright from England," Rain explained patiently, twirling a strand of her soft blonde hair around one finger. Hungry Luxords were rather cute, really.

"England?" Luxord looked bemused.

"It's a nation across the sea, sorta near Hallow Bastion," Elcie explained. "Where mad cows run rabid in the streets."

"Hmph." Luxord slouched on the black leather. "I don't believe in England." Instantly, his two companions in the back seat stared at him, jaws open like a broken nutcracker. S. Nutcrackers. "What?" Luxord asked, totally missing the point.

"Never mind," Zexion muttered, turning his gaze to the floor. It would be nice to look out the window, only that " I love your lying hips" was scrawled all over it. And of course, the joke was all on him. Phooey.

"Are we there yet?" Axel wanted to know. Luxord whapped him on the back of the head with his cards.

"That's my line!" He protested.

"But I want to know!" Axel wailed. "Xemmy, are we-"

"No we are not," Xemnas snapped. "And the next person to ask that will be messily decapitated. Outside of the car," he added as an afterthought. There was a pause. Then,

"What time is it?" Rain asked.

"Not time to get there," Xemnas retorted. Honestly, it was bad enough to have to drive all the way there, but now there were three new girls crammed in there with all their girly-girly nonsense. Honestly. What time was it indeed!

"We've been on the roads for hours," Larxene complained. "Can't we have a rest break?" Xemnas pondered the idea. A rest stop would be rather nice. His legs could use the stretching.

"But what about the fan girls?" He worried. "They'll catch up with us!"

"No they won't," Zexion grumped. "We lost them eons ago."  
"Couldn't we pleeeeeease have just a little rest stop?" Elcie begged from the front seat, shutting her notebook. "It wouldn't be all that long, you know! Just a quick stretch of the legs and all."

"Just a few bloody minutes!" Luxord joined in on the plea. His flippy cards flipped in unison. Axel played the trump card.

"I've gotta go," he announced. Xemnas paled, and switched on his turn signal, swerving over a lane.

"There's an exit for a rest stop over there," he said, sweating. "Hold it in, Axel! Don't go in the car, please don't go in the car."

"I can't hold it in," Axel whined, enjoying Xemnas's worrying. The car tires shrieked as the Superior swerved down the ramp towards the rest stop.

"Please don't go in the car!" He howled, desperate. "We're almost there."  
"That was smooth," Zexion mumbled. "Go Axel."

"I know, I'm fabulous," Axel winked over the back seat. The SUV skidded to a halt in front of a small brick building, and instantly, Xemnas was shrieking for everyone to get out of Axel's way. The pyro crawled over them and dashed for the building, followed by the rest of the crew. Xemnas slumped over the wheel, gasping. The crisis was over. Axel hadn't gone in the car. His SUV was still safe. The rest of the crew were rejoicing over the prospect of stopping at a fun rest stop. After all, these rest areas nowadays have amazing vending machines. Axel and Luxord were already feeding in dollar bills as fast as possible.

"If Xemnas catches us buying mountain dew, he'll take it away!" Axel explained. "We gotta buy it fast!" Elc eyed their dollar bills hungrily, sidling up to vending machine. If they left one of the cans, she just might..

"Where can we drink these without him seeing us?" Luxord asked, casting a glance over his shoulder. Axel was looking out the window.

"He's locking the SUV," the pyro squealed.

"Um…Bathroom! We'll go in there and drink them!" Axel began loading his arms with a collective $15 worth of highly caffeinated substances. Luxord hastily scooped up several of the ice cold cans and loaded them into Axel's arms. Axel, who was keeping look out, turned around.

"He's coming!" He warned, dashing for the bathroom. Arms loaded with the precious cans, Axel scrambled after him. Luxord brought up the rear, grabbing a few packs of Doritos on an afterthought. The Men's Restroom door swung shut just as Xemnas came in. He gave a glance at Rain, Elc, and Ziv, all looking longingly at the vending machine, then started into the bathroom.

"The bought out all the mountain dew," Ziv sniffed, blinking back tears.

"All those lovely cans," Elc lamented. "All that caffeine."

"I'm broke. How's everyone else looking?" Rain asked, fishing in her cloak.

"There's nothing left to buy," Ziv said mournfully. "All the joy of this vending machine has been extinguished like a fire with two tons of water dumped on it. Alas the mountain dew!" She blinked, her lip trembling with the suppressed tears.

"I want some of that canned orange juice," Rain insisted. "50 cents, anyone?" Elc dolefully gave her the two quarters, and Rain skipped over to the next vending machine to get her OJ. Elc stroked the glass front of the vending machine, looking miserably as where the mountain dew had been.

"They're all meanie heads," she sobbed. Ziv sniffled in consent. Rain only fished out her can, popped the top, and sat back smugly. Who needed caffeine anyway? She had the beautiful, orange, thick love that was orange juice in an icy can. All for her.

The guys were having fun, too. Axel sat on the toilet in the big stall - yes with his cloak on, you perverts! - his _fully clothed _lap full of the icy mountain dew cans. Trying to be quiet, he popped the lid on one of them, giggling as he sipped the frothy bubbles. Luxord, standing next to him in the stall , rubbed his hands, ready for his can.

"Mmmmmm," Axel moaned, grinning wickedly.

"Give me some," Luxord said hungrily, eyes pleading for a can. Xemnas, standing in front of the sink grooming his hair, stiffened with a sudden thought. They weren't…? Luxord popped his can and took a long gulp from inside the stall.

"Ooooh…that's nice," he said slowly, smiling. He passed Axel his empty can (yes, Luxord is a chugger). "Gimme some more," he pleaded.

"You got it," Axel smiled, passing him another can of the forbidden caffeine.

"Hey hey, I want some," Zexion protested for the next stall over.

"Come over here and we'll give you some," Axel said with a smirk. Xemnas twitched and went pale. They were!

"STOP IT!" He howled, pounding on the big stall's door. "Don't do it, you three, don't do it!" Axel slowly opened the stall door.

"Superior, what are you shouting about?" He asked, all eyes. Xemnas stared in, his face slowly registering. Axel and Luxord still were fully clothed, the latter standing in the back of the stall, his arms full of the contraband.

"I..um, I thought you were.." Xemnas spluttered. "I mean, it sounded like…..you two…and like Zexion was…." Axel's eyes widened in horror.

"You pervert!" He gasped, face all horror.

"You thought we were _what_?" Luxord asked in furious disbelief. Xemnas pointed accusingly at them, still holding the cans of mountain dew.

"I knew it! I knew that you had bought Mountain Dew!" Xemnas crossed his arms and looked smug. "You can't hide anything from me, you know. It was so obvious what you were up to! Now, throw them all away!" Axel and Luxord exchanged mournful glances, whimpered, and hugged their precious cans tighter. Xemnas narrowed his eyes. "I'll leave you here to those fan girls' mercy if you don't pitch the caffeine immediately," he threatened. Crying pathetically, the two guilty Nobodies slumped past him and began dumping their precious caffeine in the trashcan. They dropped in the last cans in the trashcan and started for the door, sniffling. "Just a second, you two," Xemnas said, crossing his arms. "What _did_ you guys think I was thinking?"

"We thought that you meant that Axel and I…were…well…were…" Luxord blushed bright pink and trailed off.

"Busy," Axel finished.

"'_Busy_'?" Xemnas gasped, his jaw falling open. "You thought that I thought that you were…..you _perverts!_" Axel and Luxord exchanged doleful looks.

"So now, we're the bloody perverts?" Luxord asked, looking slightly dazed.

"And he took our caffeine," Axel sniffled. Looking very dejected and accidentally perverted, the two Nobodies slunk out of the bathroom. Xemnas waited until they were all the way out, counted to thirteen, and then dashed for the trashcan. Giggling gleefully, he bent over the edge of the trashcan, scooping out the still cold cans of Mountain Dew. Looking both ways, he scrambled for the largest stall in the bathroom, arms full of the mountain dew. He dumped them on the floor, locked the door, and settled himself in a corner. It was going to be a long, and very _happy _rest stop.

"Well, you guys don't look happy," Ziv commented drearily as Axel and Luxord slumped down on the benches in the foyer.

"We're not," Axel sniffled, wiping at his blue eyes with his sleeve. "The Superior made us throw away all of the Mountain Dew." Ziv and Elc looked horrified.

"All that Mountain Dew?" Ziv asked in disbelief, eyes wide. "All of it?"

"All that beautiful caffeine…..in a trashcan?" Elc's eyes welled up with tears at the thought. "That's…that's …."

"Sacrilegious," Ziv finished, blinking rapidly. Rain ignored them. After all, it was their own fault. They could have bought nice, icy orange juice like her, but _no_. They insisted on icky green stuff. Silly Nobodies. The Men's Bathroom door swung shut behind Zexion as the emo trudged out.

"I'm sorry about the bloody caffeine," Luxord said dolefully, scooting over to make room for Axel. "We would have shared it with you if that bobby Superior hadn't taken them away."  
"He's drinking our caffeine," Zexion said stonily.

"WHAT?!" Axel and Luxord asked at the same instant.

"He's drinking our caffeine," Zexion repeated. He fumbled in his pocket for something.

"What do you mean?" Axel stammered.

"The Superior fished them out of the trashcan and is now drinking them and laughing at your misfortune," Zexion explained, pushing his glasses up further on his nose. Axel and Luxord moaned.

"Wait," Elc said, looking at Zexion suspiciously. "Where'd you get the glasses?"

"I'm apparently cosplaying Kyouya for no other apparent reason than because I want to," Zexion informed her, producing a manila folder. "Does that answer your question, Haruhi?"  
"Elc can't be Haruhi!" Ziv protested. "And if she was, who'd be Tamaki-kun?"

"I suppose that Demyx would by Tamaki, if he were here," Zexion, er, Kyouya, said, looking through his file. "But Ziv, Rain, and Larxene must be the girls from Lobelia."

"Not the Zuka club!" Ziv gasped.

"I can't dance!" Larxene protested.

"I'm not lesbian," Rain said matter-o'-factly. "And besides, I'm busy, and Kyouya-senpai scares me." Ziv grinned wickedly.

"You shouldn't by Kyouya," She told Zexion. "You should be Nekozawa-senpai." Rain's empty OJ can bounced off of the back of Ziv's head, and she rubbed the spot ruefully. "Of course, we could cut up that manila envelop and made it into the cursed kitty thing-" Ziv continued, glaring at Rain.

"Oh stop it!" Rain protested, pounding Ziv on the back. "Enough black magic!"

"This conversation is stupid," Luxord complained, getting up. "Ouran High school is a stupid show anyway."

"Or maybe you're just mad because none of the cute characters have a goatee," Zexouya smirked.

"Wait, one of them does," Rain piped up. "Kyouya's father does!" Luxord gave a snort of rage and stormed out of the rest stop, slamming the door behind him.

"Where's he going?" Larxene asked.

"Probably out to sulk in the SUV," Zexouya said with a shrug. He looked at Axel thoughtfully. "Hmmm, who would Axel be in the world of Ouran High school, I wonder?"

"That one annoying girl has red hair," Elc piped up.

"Yea, but she also tries to make Haruhi look like a sexual molester," Ziv reminded the newly-christened Haruhi. Elc smacked her. Hard. Axel just looked puzzled.

"Who would the Superior be?" Axel asked, looking eagerly at Zexouya and abruptly changing the subject. They all sat still for a moment.

"I…I don't really know," Zexouya admitted.

"We could always say that he's too old to be a character," Rain offered.

"I think that would be Vexen," Ziv reminded her. The glass doors to the front of the rest stop opened, and a stricken-looking Luxord staggered in. His face was white.

"What's wrong?" Zexion asked, having removed his glasses and thus his cosplay.

"I was going out to emo in the bloody SUV," Luxord started, shakily flipping his cards. "But…the SUV…isn't there!"

"What!?" They all exclaimed at once. There was a mad scramble out the doors of the rest stop, a sprint down the cement sidewalk to the parking lot, and then they saw it. The empty parking space. The place where the SUV had been.

"Someone stole the SUV," Larxene said dazedly.

"How are we going to tell the Superior?" Axel asked miserably.

"And how are we going to escape them?" Luxord asked, pointing. They all turned, just in time to see a bright pink bus, loaded with fan girls, pulling into the rest stop.


	7. Chapter 7: Trying to escape Again

"How'd they find us so fast?" Zexion demanded, scrambling to his feet.

"We gotta get out of here!" Axel scrambled to his feet and started running for the front door. Ziv grabbed his cloak and hauled him back.

"Idiot!" She snarled, "You can't go out that way! They'll see you!"

"Doesn't this place have a bloody backdoor?" Luxord asked, looking around in blind panic. 'There's got to be an exit somewhere!"

"It's back there." Rain pointed at the glass doors at the back of the buildings. Zexion, Axel, and Luxord all scrambled for the doors. Ziv, Larxene, Elc, and Rain exchanged glances.

"I…..uh…what are we supposed to do?" Elc asked them. Larxene shrugged.

"I say that we do nothing," she said. "We don't have any reason to go crazy. After all, the-"

"Fan boys are here!" Luxord squealed, backpedaling from the doors. As quick as they had left, the three Nobodies came dashing back.

"They pulled up in the back parking lot!" Axel explained, gasping. "And they're blocking our escape!"

"Oh, get your genders right!" Rain snapped, crossing her arms. "You're _men_. You have nothing to fear from fan boys."

"And we're girls," Ziv said slowly. "So we go out the front door and you go out the back door….and we'll meet up at the side of the rest stop and make our escape."

"That sounds lame," Axel pointed out. Ziv snatched up Rain's empty OJ can and threw it against his head.

"Shut up! It's the best idea we have, and you know it!" She snapped. "We'll meet up with you by the playground, alright?" They had all seen the wooden playground set up by the side of the rest stop as they pulled in.

"Alright," Zexion grumbled, dumping his cosplay materials in the trashcan. "Let's hurry, alright?" He grabbed Axel and Luxord by sleeves and dragged them towers the back door.

"Do you really think this will work?" Elc asked, getting up off the bench.

"Um….it sounds solid, as long as both busloads of fan people aren't all homosexual," Rain said with a shrug. "Girls don't naturally hit on girls, so we should be fine."

"I don't see what you're so scared of." Larxene snapped her fingers and lighting flashes in her fist. "It's not like we're defenseless."

"Let's hurry." Ziv headed purposefully for the door, and the others fell in behind. Trying their best to look casual in their leather trenchies, they sauntered out of the rest stop, heading for the empty parking lot. And there they were, blue ties fluttering in the breeze, blue miniskirts swaying gently, their white shirts billowing in the wind. Fangirls. A whole busload of the man-chasing beasts. Even though she had nothing to fear, Larxene felt herself paling. Woe be any bishie who befell these vicious beauties. You think that our heroes would have been able to slip through the ranks of fangirls with no trouble, but unfortunately, I'm the one writing this story, and so I'm am going to be very evil and inflict more pain on my characters. Just because I can.

"Hey!" One the fangirls, a particularly odd specimen, with long strawberry blonde hair and flamboyant purple eyes, poked Rain in the ribs. "These guys are wearing Organization XIII cloaks!"

"Organization XIII!" The fangirls screamed in unison, blushing at the mental images of shirtless Axel, Zexion, Xemnas, and Saix. Larxene blinked and snarled.

"What are you doing in their clothes?" The fangirl asked again.

"You didn't steal them, did you?" Another asked in horror.

"What? They stole trench coats?" A third fangirl asked, pushing her way towards the commotion. The entire group broke out in a heated discussion, shoving to get a better look at the four leather-clad girls, finally encircling them all together. In about one minute flat, the four of them had gone from being suspected trench coat thieves to bloody muggers who went around abusing Nobodies and ripping off their cloaks, stealing their wallets, and leaving the bishies to die in alleys. As you can probably surmise, the whole busload of fangirls were ready to stone their captives to death. I guess it's a good thing that they didn't care anything capable of stoning anyone with, or else Organization XIII would have lost a member and a few love interests.

"What are you talking about?" Elc wondered, looking around at the horde of screaming, red-faced fangirls surrounding them, rolling up their tiny sleeves and glaring ferociously back at her.

"I think they……..actually, I'm not sure," Rain confessed. All these creepy men-worshipers were getting on her nerves.

"They're saying that we mugged Axel and stole his clothes," Larxene reported, hearing some of the screamed conversation.

"They read that fanfic?" Ziv gasped, turning white.

"Ziv!" Rain and Elc each gave her a hard smack. Larxene sighed and snapped her fingers. Lightning buzzed.

"I don't care," she snapped. "They're annoying me. I'm going to blast my way out." Lightning raced up her arm on a whim.

"Oooh…Chidori," Ziv whistled. Elc smacked her again.

"Stop it, both of you!" She said, whacking Larxene on the back of the head. "I'll solve this without bloodshed." She glared at the rest to warn them to shut up, then began screaming at the top of her voice. "Ooooooh! Aren't these the cutest cloaks ever? I mean, they actually look like Axel-kuns! Squeeee!" The fangirls blinked, scowled, shifted.

"Maybe they do belong to Axel!" One fangirl accused, pointing a finger at Elc. "You stole them, admit it!" An angry buzz swept over the crowd. Elc blushed and held up her hands.

"Noooo, it's nothing like that!" She giggled. "You can buy these on Amazon, you know. Real authentic cloaks and all. It's all the rage."

"Amazon?" The fangirls hesitated. "Really?"

"Mm!" Elc nodded emphatically. "And they are soooo cute and cheap! That's where we got ours. If you hurry, you can get yours too!" The fangirls began squealing and hugging each other, crazed over the prospect of being able to dress like Axel. And then, as suddenly as they had come, they were all gone, crowding inside the rest stop, mingling with the fan boys, their excited screams echoing. Elc and the others breathed a sigh of relief. "See?" Elc asked, grinning. "No one died."

"I think it would have been more interesting if they _had_," Larxene protested.

"Why'd you tell them the truth?" Ziv asked. "Now everyone knows that we got our cloaks off of Amazon."

"Sorry, Ziv."

"Guys." They turned to look at Rain. She was stroking her chin, frowning.

"What, Rain?' Elc asked, noting the grim look.

"We have a problem. A problem we didn't foresee when Ziv made her escape plan." Rain's face was very white. "We forgot that usually fan boys and fangirls are on good terms, and like to talk with one another." Larxene smacked her face.

"The fan boys will tell the fangirls about the guys, and the girls will tell-"

"We don't have a moment to lose!" Elc grabbed Larxene and Ziv's cloaks and dragged them with her. Larxene dashed after them as the they raced for the wooden playground. No one was there.

"Where are those idiots?" Ziv asked, panting and looking around. Rain peeked up the slide. No one was hiding under there.

"You don't think that they got trapped in the rest stop, do you?" Larxene asked worriedly.

"Not a chance. We saw them go out, remember?" Elc rubbed at her large ears, looking around in puzzlement. "But…where did they go? They should be here…"

"Axe-!" Larxene started to yell. Rain and Ziv quickly dove on her, clapping their hands over her mouth.

"You idiot!" Ziv hissed. "Do you remember who's in there?" She nodded meaningfully to the rest stop. There was one horrible moment of silence, in which the Nobodies waited anxiously. Then the buzz of fan talk started up again. Rain sighed in relief.

"Too close," she said, removing her hands from Larxene's face and getting up. She brushed bark chips from her cloak. "Where did they go?"

"Is the coast clear?"

"Mm? What did you say, Ziv?" Elc looked over at her friend. Ziv looked puzzled.

"I didn't say anything."

"Then who said-" Elc's ears swiveled. "Axel?" She asked quietly. A lump of mulch under the stairs of the playground bubbled, moved, and then a head with long red hair stuck out.

"They're gone, right?" Axel asked. Elc smacked her forehead.

"Yes, you _idiot. _Not get up and let's go." She hesitated. "Where are the others?"

"Little Bo Peep ate her pork," Axel said quietly. Instantly, Luxor wriggled out from under the slide, and Zexion straightened up from behind the plastic Tic Tac Toe board. They joined the four girls, Luxord flicking bark from his hair.

"I already looked under the slide!" Rain protested. "How'd you hide there?"

"What kind of lame password is 'Little Bo Peep ate her pork'?" Larxene demanded, smacking the back of Axel's head. Axel rubbed at his hair and glared at her.

"We wanted to pick something that wouldn't be confused with everyday lingo," he protested.

"Shush up, both of you!" Ziv gave them both hard whacks on the heads. "We gotta get out of here while we have time. And we might not have much." She glanced at the rest stop. You could almost see the hearts and flowers floating out the windows as the ecstatic fangirls giggling and squealed with the fan boys. One word about those coats, and the fan boys would tell about seeing the other Nobodies coming out the back door. "We need a car," She muttered.

"We could go in the bloody fan boys' car," Luxord piped up. "It's backish of here." Zexion shrugged.

"Good a plan as any. I suggest we all run like hell." So run like hell they did. The eight black clad figures sprinted around towards the parking lot in the back of the rest stop, hoping against hope that they wouldn't be seen. There, parked neatly next to the curb, was the fan boys' van. It was a large, double decker contraption, painted an ungodly shade of pink, with murals of Larxene, Haruhi, Tohru, and Sakura all over it, complete with obnoxious Japanese scrawl.

"Well, it's not an SUV," Ziv remarked glumly as they slid to a halt behind a tree, peeking out at the bus. One lone fan boy sat in the driver's seat, carefully applying lipstick as he guarded the bus.

"It looks like something out of the underworld," Axel whimpered.

"It's our best shot," Elc said glumly. "Better run for it." She looked around at her six companions. "Can anyone drive?"

"I can!" Luxord waved his deck of cards. "I'm quite bloody good, if I do say so."

"Except that you always drive on the wrong side of the road," Axel snarled. Luxord glared, opening his mouth to say something. Zexion kicked him in the shins, bringing him back to attention.

"Luxord, you drive," he ordered. "Go take out the driver of that bus. We'll load in the side and be off."

"Exactly," Elc said with a pleased nod. Someone understood how things were supposed to work around here. Hallelujah. And so with a rush of black, they were off. Six of them dashed for the doors to the side of the bus, while Luxord yanked open the driver's seat, grabbed the fan boy bodily, tossed him out of the cab, and sprang in. He swatted eyeliner off the seat and sat down, slamming the door and locking it.

"Shut your door!" He shouted as Rain scrambled in. She shut and locked it behind her, collapsing on one of the purple plush seats. The fan boy had leapt up and began banging on the windows, shouting at Luxord to let him in. The Nobody simple scrawled "You suck" on the window with eyeliner, and twisted the key in the ignition. The fan boy dashed for the rest stop, screaming and waving his arms.

"Go!" Axel shouted, buckling one of the pink seatbelts over his chest. "They'll all be after us."

"Crud this, it's a shift stick!" Luxord wailed. He fumbled with the shift stick, trying to get the bus into first gear.

"Go, you moron! Drive!" Zexion yelled at him. They all heard the shriek from the rest stop, then a horde of blue jeans and miniskirts and white shirts came flooding out the door, streaking for the bus. Luxord gave up on the shift stick and slammed his foot on the gas. The pink bus shot forward with a roar and a cloud of purple exhaust, leaving the hordes of fans behind as it streaked out of the parking lot and swerved onto the highway.

"Aren't I wonderful?" Luxord smirked, winking over his shoulder at his terrified passengers.

"Luxord!" Elc shrieked. "Switch lanes!"

"Huh?" Luxord turned around in his seat just in time to see the 18-wheeler plowing down on them. There was a ferocious blaring of horns, then the occupants of the pink bus were all violently hurled to one side as Luxord swerved in to the right lane. "Sorry!" He said, rubbing at the back of his head. "I bloody forgot."

"If you get us in a wreck, I'm going to kill you," Zexion informed him, slouching in his gaudy pink seat and jamming in his ear buds. He needed some AFI right now.

"If I get us in a wreck, I'll make sure that it's fatal to everyone, and save you the bother."

The fangirls gazed longingly after the bus as it pulled away, gasping and coughing on the purple exhaust. The fan boys moaned as their mode of transportation sped away.

"I saw Larxene," one of them moaned wishfully. "She's so hot in person."

"Axel got away," a fangirl sobbed. "He got _away_."

"Quick!" Their leader, an especially fearsome specimen with wild pink hair and brilliant blue eyes, exclaimed. "We'll chase them in our bus." The fangirls turned as one and began running towards their own pink bus, eager to chase their dream men.

"Hey, wait!" The leader of the fan boys, a tall youth who's face was so painted with eyeliner and lipstick that he looked like a combination of Gaara and Kankurou, grabbed the Lead Fangirl's sleeve. "They just took our bus."

"What a shame," the Lead Fangirl snapped. "But we have to catch them now, so bye bye!"

"Can't you take us with you?" The Lead Fanboy begged. "Larxene and … and _Elc_ were in there!"

"Sorry, Sonny, but our bus is pretty fun." The Lead Fangirl smirked. "Besides, you'd have to pay us, and you don't have anything that we want." The Lead Fanboy smiled.

"Don't speak too fast. I think we have something to pay you with."

"Oh?" She looked interested. The Fanboy gestured to a few of his comrades.

"Show them," he said with a smirk.

Axel turned around in his seat, looking back over the row upon row of pink and purple, girl-embroidered seats. He counted off the full seats, and his face turned white. "Guys?" He asked, turning around and tapping Zexion on the shoulder.

"What?" Zexion demanded, ripping out his ear buds.  
"Um, guys?" Axel repeated. "Where's-"

"XEMMY!" The Lead Fangirl was in 13th heaven. There, dangling from the hands of two power fanboys, completely stoned on Mountain Dew, his eyes vacant and a silly smile of pleasure on his face, was the Superior. All for her. She grabbed his limp body ecstatically, hugging him fiercely.

"Is that enough to secure passage?" The Lead Fanboy wanted to know. The Lead Fanboy was almost too busy stroking and smooching her treasure to hear.

"Deal," she said. "Load up." And so the horde of fanboys and the Lead Fangirl started off in pursuit, dragging a stoned and very happy Superior behind.

- - - - - - - - -

Guys, I am so sorry about the delay! To tell the truth, I forgot about this story. But here are two more chapters, so please don't be mad. I'll work on 8 and 9 soon. Promise! XD


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